how is it that i know what i want in life as a whole, yet i do not earnestly find the ways towards what i want. why do i spend every day and the next one continuing to do what i just happen to do. practicality is a huge deterrant for you've got to pay the bills unless you were a born millionaire! i am sure there is a wiser, smarter way around this whole elusive thing, maybe the key word being - balancing. i am sure it is achievable. it also requires a huge leap of faith. i've been pondering over the fact that maybe when you 'connect' with the job with you, it becomes easier atleast half the way. as then you'll find some sense or purpose for doing what you do. the only reason why i do what i do now is practicality, and it tears my heart to know that i am not leading myself into anything where i feel some purpose is achieved, or a real connect with the real world. i've surrounded myself with artificial intelligence and find myself deep in commerce - which i am sure was not what life and its soul intended to be at the center of the universe and everything that's in it. to put it better - commerce without any sense of purpose or passion.
i'm facing such a severe disconnect that i really need to figure out a way out of this, this emptiness which has started knocking very, very hard since a while.